Love in those days

Holi 2013 , It was on coming wednesday and I reached Meerut on saturday ,  applied for  two days leave and than wednesday was Holi . Well I took bus from MohanNagar this time, was not expecting any seat as Its was a before Holi weekend, but luckily I got a bijnore deepo bus and a seat next to conductor.  Jab aapko thoda sa jyada mil jaye tab achcha lagta hia na :) well this time the journey was  not so eventful and unexpectedly trafficless roads :) , but 1 beautiful thing i noticed this time would definitely like to tell you . An elderly couple was sitting next to me , Uncle seem to have some eye operation recently as he was wearing a black goggle . They were enjoying each others company , sometime sitting quietly or sometimes discussing one or the other thing. , but they seem to be happy and contended . They were travelling to their son's place , but were not aware of the route properly, The conductor told them that the Bus will go to their place but they will have to buy the ticket twice. One till Mujaffarnagar and then from mujaffarnagar till their destination , they seem to be confused and wanted to confirm with their Son, The old woman took out her simplest nokia set and tried dialing the number I can see the effort which she was putting up to dial a number . all these cell phones all old people i have seen find difficulty in using it :). The other side seem to be busy so she kept her cell back in her simple purse which i was able to see full of medicines ,keys reading glasses and some religious books, They were not listening to any music in their ears as all the younger generation in the Bus was busy doing.   Suddenly a child throw a balloon from the road ( Holi hai ) and it hit uncle. Aunti  immediately took out her handkerchief and started wiping water from uncle face . It was so sweet . Just loved that moment ,
she than got up close the door of the bus asked the person sitting in the corner to close the window. She was so worried , checked twice if all water is dried or not as Uncle was advised to stay away from water.
I felt as if true love you dont have to show off , it can be just felt. I could feel how much she loved uncle.
i think love in todays generation  is far different from our parents generation , these days we want equal or  more in return , but in  olden days , both sides were not very demanding like All wify's in those days were very less demanding , they used to be homely and never demanded time or anything else from their husband , while husbands were also not very demanding.
but these days both sides want more and more , they have lot of expectation from the other half. Like Husbands wants their wife to be smart , earning , homely everything they want. And similarly Wife is also demanding she wants her husband to give her time , lavish lifestyle , i mean all these sort of things ...
I know its a debatable issue whether demanding and expecting is wrong but 1 thing for sure expectations definitely leads to misery  as when we expect it means we want the other person to be like us, to think in our way , to behave as if we would have behaved if we are in his place  Is this RIGHT ?? Are we doing right by asking him/her to change her completely for us This is unfair ..We really need to think on this and instead of changing ourselves we should create a third person HUM which embodies both's . and we should not change ourselves.
I am sure if you understand what I am trying to say I guess these lyrics will explain you my point ... Its a beautiful song and one of my favourite It completely describes how a marriage should be ... :)


Apne rang gawaen bin, mere rang mein ghul jao
Apni dhoop bujhaye bin, meri chhao mein aa jaoOh chalo yoon kare,Tum, tum bhi raho, main, main bhi rahoonHum, hum bhi rahein
Saathi janam janam, u me aur hum.

Jaise Baadal Paani Ka, Yaarana Hai
Jaise Gul Aur Khushboo Ka, Dostana Hai
Waise Hee Rahein Hum Tum

Tere Mere Haathon Mein, Koi Bhi Pinjara Na Ho
Ek Duje Par Apna,
Haq Toh Ho Kabza Na, Ho Har Haal Mein

Ek Din Toh Who Lamha, Bhi Aana Hai
Dono Me Se Ek Ne, Chale Jaana Hai
Baatein Yeh Sabhi Hum Tum, Jaanlein Abhi Hum Tum
Dono Mil Ke Saath Mein, Aise Jeena Seekh Lein
Taaki Jo Peeche Rahein, Usko Na Ho Mushkilein

Teeno mil ke saathchale

Perspective

I just wait for weekends so that I can visit my mom and relax at home ,place where I have been born and brought up , where  I can relate to myself ,where I don't feel like lost in crowd.. Every weekend on Saturday's I get up early pack my bags and travel to Meerut. Last weekend I took bus from AnandVihar and choose to sit nearby a couple. As soon as the bus started for Meerut soon I guess I was just lost in to some thoughts when suddenly my mind diverted towards the discussion the couple sitting next to me was having. Husband said "See Santro ka mausam aa gaya , wo dekho santre"  Wife said "No they are lokat". Husband didn't agree ,"nahi wo santre the wife Nahi wo lokat the" ..  They both were not coming to an agreement and then they decided to keep shut. After moving few Km ahead husband again said "wo dekho santre hi hai na" pointing towards a thela and wife replied to this, "hmm ye santre hia lekin wo lokat the"    :)
Both stick to their version :)
Noticed something ??
They both were talking about their version , Both knew the difference between lokat and santra both knew what is lokat and what is santra , they didn't just gave a thought to this . I was wondering that Why Wife didn't thought that my husband knows what is santra and he can't be wrong and why husband didn't think that She knows difference between Santra and lokat , she must have seen lokat , she can't be wrong ?
I am sure both were correct the husband saw santre wala thela and wife saw a lokat thela. Both were correct ,but the problem was :-
1. Their was lack of trust
2. Ego
3. No effort to try to understand the other person
4. Some kind of zid in both apni bat manwane ki

I guess EGO , ZID to prove themselves right , blocks our thought process, we just think in the box , what we have seen , we do not think out of the box what the other might or Must have seen or in such a situation

Its always happens that we just see our version and we do not try to understand in what situation the other person can be .

Recently few days back I was in a great trouble ( its ok now :) )  , I yelled for help from my friend , she said she will get back , I waited for her reply for few days but she  didn't reply.. I was very angry at her atleast she could have said NO that would not be a problem and I would not have waited for her reply or help for so long and would have looked for other options ... I fought with her , At that time she just said sorry and kept quiet . After few days .. we were on phone and this topic again rose ,I started getting angry over her again , She tried telling me why u get angry all the time try to understand , the other person can be in some problem , but i was not liestening , She than finally told me about her problem which was bigger than mine and that was the reason she could not reply and she just didn't tell me coz i was already in problem , would have got worried .I  felt so small and guilty that i could not be with her in the worst of times i was just so engrossed in my life and problems , why i could not have understood that she can also be in problem , why i just saw my side , why my trust over her shaked in times of trouble , what made me think that she would not help me ...

Its just that .. I just closed my eyes and was just able to see what i am seeing , what i am thinking , i was making  my assumptions on the basis of what i am seeing and not taking the consideration about the unseen...what about contingency which we consider even when we do project estimations , why dont we do it in our real life ??

I know this was a very small thing and  in life there are so many such issues and things happening which we generally forget , which do not effect lives as such , but actually THEY DO , they do affect us in very small EMI's. They pile up.They burn our pockets of happiness.. like i lost so much of time in being angry over my friend . Definitely these will kinds of things wont lead to BIG SAD things but surely will lead to a leakage in your life from where small happiness will vanish gradually. you will stop enjoying a softy or a gol gappe sort of things ... I hope you get my point ...

Well I guess no java code , no google nothing can be as difficult as to keep up a good relationship ..

you really need to TRUST , you really need to SEE ON THE OTHER SIDE as well , wear the other person's shoes, you really need to NOT TO loose faith in bad times...

We really need to put in efforts to keep our life happy , to enjoy small things to increase our bank balance of love of our friends and relatives and Family  ( money balance bhi chahiye bhai :) )

An affair with the career

This time my favorite day "The Saturday" started with a cup of  tea with my roomie , "jave" (vermicille) on cooking gas and simultaneously packing for Meerut. I took bus from AnandVihar .A young couple was sitting near me . I planned to start a novel based on some DCE (Delhi college of engineering )guys. While I was reading about the fun in college  time, tension free life , I heard the girl next to me scolding her friend for his busy schedule. ,"All the time you are working , why you don't eat properly bla bla " and to this the boy replied . "Stop it Preeti, Enough why all the time you are after my life I know what I am upto I have to do lot of things in life I have to do training and all I have to earn money and I need to switch job for that I have to study , I don't have time for friends and all other things  and so on he continued.
This reminded me of so many instances where people have ignored their friends for life , relations just for career. I still sometimes see and old friend of mine online late nights with whom I am not at all in touch now ( He lost gem of a friend :P ) as he is also too busy with his career He had no time for friends , for dinner, for LIFE
 I remember my manager post's on facebook
"and we are the trend changer:) we celebrate festivals, birthdays, holidays only on weekends"  because We don't have time. Many people work on weekends.

Does this means that we all having an affair with our careers and spending most of our time to make our career ?
In school days I use to think , once I will start with job I will have a good life and I guess all of us have thought so but dont you think that our life has turned out to be something else ? Was this the life what we have dreamt of in our childhood? Missing all our festivals , missing all our best buddies marriages and the best incident I have heard was one of my manager was working whole first half of the day on his marriage day :) .Why we are not saying to work pressure and why the Managers burning their Sundays to burn ours ? :P

The question arises "Is an Affair with the career a good option ? " How we can sacrifice the small happiness of our lives for the sake of a career. Why don't we say NO when the work starts occupying the time meant completely for us and for our family ? When our career has taken a high priority over the family ?. I really fail to understand this . In the name of making their future bright , are not they loosing on happiness of present , which will never come back ? How can Dad's miss their new born for onsite ? Onsite can wait but won't you miss seeing your child grow , speak first word , taking first step. Dinner with family and to top today's generation find solace in front of the idiot box (TV) instead of spending time and chatting with family.
Is sacrificing our life for the sake of the careers which is governed by a bell curve or some new policies is GOOD ???
We need to think .
But here among all the business of our life I would like to mention that their are few people I have seen who beautifully manages their work life balance. They are at the peak of their career and still have possession of a beautiful life at home. My DM of my previous company she is a great woman I am really surprised how she manages her family , She is  DM Delivery Manager at such a young age  in such a big company and still she enjoys girlie lunch with her friends , she prepares yummy and styloo dinner at her home , holidays with her daughter ,goes Gym and works a lot .I don't know how she manages and I am sure she must be having much more responsibilities than ours.

I guess it's on us whom we give importance what are our priorities and how do we manage. I am not saying ignore work do it with responsibility and ownership but Say No when it trades your happiness with a small pay hike .

Missing the greens..

Some  2 years back , I was travelling in my rickety infy bus, sitting on the window seat (My favorite) , thinking something .Suddenly my mind diverted towards the things happening  outside , I felt as if I am watching some movie through the glass pane of the bus.
         The movie started with some small children playing and waiting for their school bus. Their mothers discussing and sharing their thoughts about the school and all other things related to their children in front of the gate of a high rise apartments , I can see some colorful Buildings trying to touch the sky and on the other side of the road there was just barren land and a small tea shop where some people are drinking a hot steaming cup of tea. Some small huts  and a small tap where 4,5 women were standing to fetch the water .
          Now my bus  was moving from a part which is yet to be developed ,still there was land on both sides of the road and  construction is in its very early stage , The workers working there have made their  small temporary living arrangement to make beautiful houses for the richer section of society. The day just got started so they are doing their daily chores , washing utensils and few brushing their teeth by Datun(toothbrush from a Neem tree) .
            Then the Bus moved towards the part of land untouched by Man.  I can see an orange line or horizon in front and which embarks the beginning of the limitless sky painted in grey and blue shades and end of the land which is brown in colour. Tress on both side dancing on cool breeze as if greeting good morning to each other. I felt peace within for no reason just at the beautiful sight.
           I felt as if ,God created the beautiful land and sky, and adorned the land with the awesome flowers and trees. The whispers of tress,cool breeze blowing ,such a beautiful place called Earth is, but some monster disguised in the form of human being  came and started cutting the jungle and instead created a concrete jungle and We are just spectators . We feel content in AC air  instead of cool breeze , artificial trees instead of real trees.
Long time back I heard a story  about a King who loved the ho voice of a koel every single morning the koel used to come and sing for the king and king used to love it Than somebody offered him an artificial koel who can sing like real koel. The king forgot the joy he used to have from the original koel voice and started feeling happy but soon he started missing  the original koel.
I am sure something like that is going to happen with us as well. currently we are happy  owning a flat in a high rise building , a swimming pool gym and all other modern amenities ,but sooner or later we will be missing the real things , Don't you miss sleeping on "chat" (Terrace)  ,watching at stars in summer at your native place ,I miss  all that  Do you ? :(

Bonding - With Physical things and humans Beings

[(-(old bond) +(new bond)) *(Physical Things)]Repeat

I am not sure whether the mathematical conversion of human emotion above is aptly correct or if it is close to reality or not but this is what I think. As time passes our old bonds loosens and new bonds gets stronger . Don't you think so ?
                Recently we shifted from our old office to new office. We vacated the old building last friday where we have worked for more than 8 years or so and everyone was like oh! i will miss this place , Today's last lunch at A-47 (A-47 is old Building address)  and so on.
                But I am sure this senti feelings will be only for few days and then we will completely forget A-47 building where many of us spent almost a lifetime   Is this not happening with all of us in human relations as well along with physical things . We are attached to physical things , sometimes with people around us and later on as we move on in life to newer places , new projects we tend to care less about people with whom we used to hang out and all other things about which once we cared about. We are now more concerned with the present surroundings.
                   I guess these attachments are fake emotions , we are not sure if we are really attached or not , it could be the  psychological effect . As all people around are being senti about the place so we are and if we are not there is something wrong ? I really feel sometimes how confused are we about our emotions , We love somebody or Is it just an attraction ? We tend to change ourselves many a times to get admiration or praise from other people , we set our ideals/role models based on popularity chart and not on the characteristics we love to see or admire . You ask any of the people around you about their role models they will name anyone who recently got popular or for girls it would be someone like Kiran Bedi or Kiran shaw . I am sure they would not be knowing what exactly thing they like in them and if they have ever tried to be like them , followed them.
                   Recently I read an article in TOI about "Love addiction". People who are love addict they fill in their loneliness by asking others to love them something like that Doesn't that implies that we are complete strangers to our actual emotions In Many a cases people just to fill in their loneliness , pretend to be in love.

                  I guess I am not clear on what I exactly want to say ,I am really confused about the Human emotions but the crux is Are these emotions being handled by our brain now a days.Is it something like that  our heart has delegated its emotions department to BRAIN ? We tend to be what we are not OR we try to imitate some other person to get admiration or praise or for any other reason ? I really do not have an answer :(
What do you think ?

Appraisal

After reaching office  in the morning , first thing I do , go through my official inbox  for some important  mail . Today  the most catchy mail was "The Appraisal Discussion"  sent by my Manager. It was important , because we will be discussing my future path in the organization. My progress chart will be prepared and I will be given tips for improving work and all.
DO you AGREE ?? This is what we think , but is this  the reality ?
I started thinking what could be the agenda of the meeting ,
Whether we will be having discussion about my work and on the basis of that my rating will be decided ?
or
Is this just a discussion  while rating has already been decided , communicated to HR and stamped by them ?

Is it a feedback about my work I have done throughout the year ?
But the question arises :-
If it is a feedback about the work you do , why it is happening at the end of the year. Should not it happen regularly ?Will once a year feedback will have any affect on the individual ?
Or is this discussion a mere formality for record sake?

I  googled for meaning of Appraisal , "an assessment or estimation of the worth, value, or quality of a person or thing"

Does that mean A person is evaluated in 15 or 20 minutes for all the work he has done throughout the years.
Is it doable or justifiable

Well 8 years in this IT industry , but still trying to understand this appraisal process  How appraisal is done ?what factors affect ? Why HR is playing an important role in appraisal when he just should be communicated about the appraisal ? Why a person whose performance is best still the rating is not  the best ?

Well from my point of view appraisal process should be a regular feedback process and progress should be tracked religiously . Also it should be transparent. Everyone should know why one person is getting rating 1 and why the other person 4 . This transparency can lead to a healthy competition.
I think
1. There should be a regular feedback session by Manager or colleagues
2. The Manager should have a meeting with the employees and prepare an action plan to track the progress.
3. The Manager should guide and inspire the employee to improve and update himself.
4. Team should be updated about the individual's achievement.

I guess all the Manager's will say Are we people Manager's or project Managers ? This will take hell lot of time but seriously they have a point , but than again its all about managing your time and work and life.

We all people have to think upon a process A true appraisal process , a true feedback process , but then As  My Managers says :) we need to act upon that process , making a process won't do wonders , Acting upon will .

Love and MacD Burger

One evening , was walking through the busy road of  Pune with a Mac D burger in my hand , I was , somewhat in a dismal state , not happy , missing something , The burger in my hand could not make me happy , I just felt like getting rid of that burger . So decision was being taken to give the burger to some one more needy of it , Why not to the little girl who was sitting on the other side of  the road. She seemed to be very weak and hungry too. Her hair were not tied up ,she was wearing  very dirty clothes but despite her dirty clothes , her untied, unwashed hair , her face was attractive , there was a innocence on her face which generally is missing in these day's children. I have seen so many little one's begging and they are way too smart , they will say you bad words if you don't give them 1 or 2 rupees. Recently a small girl came to me and asked for money  I  asked  her to go and you wont believe she got angry over me and said "chal Kanjoos ". I was shocked. So these are today's generation ,but there was something magical in that girl which forced me to offer her the burger in my hand.
I offered her , she smiled and kept the same in her Bag , I was startled and confused , Why she kept that in her bag .I could not stop my self asking her the reason for the same. "Why have you kept the burger in your bag , Eat it "bachche" , It's hot and I am sure you will like it and will ask for more". She replied " I will have it with my family".
I was speechless for some time not knowing what to say and then I smiled . The sad state in which I was vanished and I felt relaxed. I knew now, the reason, the thing I was missing. I was missing my family. The warmth ,affection ,care and love of my family. The little girl made me realize , No burger , No place no  money , in fact nothing can override/replace the Love of family. The best thing in life is love. Her love for her family was much more bigger than her hunger much more than tempting than the burger , even with the yummy burger in her possession , she was not tempted . She knew if we share that little burger we will have more fun , rather than having it alone.
Does this happen with you also Have you also thought that .....
It would be more fun in a small car with all family in sitting and adjusting !!!
A small one room to share with each other and rather than being alone in a Big room !!!
All watching a good old or everyone's favourite movie on a sunday at home  cracking jokes rather than watching in a big multiplex !!!
A small "gol gappe" wala thela rather than a Big restaurant where you can't even laught at the fear of being seen by others !!!

I know about myself , I would prefer having a cup of tea with my mom at my home rather than having a coffee at CCD.
What about you ????